Disordered individuals keep secrets. They tell a lot of lies. My previous post describes some of the different kinds of lies disordered people use against you. In my new book, People Who Hurt, publication January 23rd, I devote a whole chapter to the various tools narcissists, sociopaths and the like use against you to get you to do what they want.
People Who Hurt -abusers and codependants – looking for answers
I’ve used examples from my own personal experience to illustrate the kinds of secrets and lies used against partners of such disordered people but I haven’t included every single instance I encountered myself. I want People Who Hurtto show how commonplace these behaviours are to help others be aware. Writing only about what happened to me would turn the book into a memoir and, although I’m happy to include my personal story, my intention is to give the book a wider audience.
A single voice can sound like one outraged, vindictive woman seeking revenge. I don’t want that. Tens of thousands of voices saying the same things, describing the same patterns of behaviour carry more gravitas. People will be more prepared to listen. These tens of thousands are only the ones who are able to speak out. There are many more women and men struggling to understand what has happened to them in their relationships with a disordered partner.
Secrets of hidden abuse
Victims of emotional and psychological abuse often stay silent. Sometimes they don’t realise they are being abused. The confusing tactics employed by covert abusers leaves victims unsure of exactly what’s going on.
staying silent when there’s too much to say
Sometimes victims stay silent out of fear, shame or embarrassment. Maybe they’ve tried to explain to a trusted friend or family member only to be disappointed by the response of disbelief. When victims themselves don’t understand what’s happening how can friends and family help? They have only ever witnessed the false persona covert abusers show to everybody else.
But silence is the abuser’s best ally. It frees them to move along into the next relationship and begin the cycle all over again.
An enormous secret
When I was preparing to leave my home abroad I discovered a secret so big it scared me. I didn’t know what to do about it. I didn’t tell anybody at first.
staying silent
I worried about how this enormous secret would reflect on me. Could I be accused of being complicit? How could I prove I was unaware of it? Once I realised I had proof of my innocence I had to decide what to do about it. In People Who Hurt I reveal all. Because I possess a moral conscience I did the right thing. My conscience is clear.
the truth will out
Exposing secrets and lies
The immediate aftermath of a breakup with disordered individuals isn’t the best time to attempt exposing their secrets and lies, in my opinion. In People Who Hurt I explain my reasons. I hope that by sharing my story I can help others see where I made mistakes so that they may avoid the same pitfalls.
I want to help raise awareness of covert abuse so I’ve priced People Who Hurt at the lowest full price Amazon will allow. Also, following their promotion regulations, I’ll be able to offer it for free every now and then.
Covert abusers know what they’re doing is wrong. That’s why they cultivate their fake persona to make others believe they are honourable, trustworthy people. It’s a mask they wear to hide who they really are. It’s within their closest, more intimate relationships where the mask slips and their true intentions become clear.
You can contact me here or on my People Who Hurt Facebook page. Pre-order for the book is open now.
Telling lies is one method passive aggressive people use to control you and others. Dysfunctional individuals and those with personality disorders such as Narcissistic Personality Disorder are pathological liars. It’s what they do. Pretty much all the time. It’s part of who they are.
from PsychopathFree
As a result of my own experience and from two years’ research for my book People Who Hurt due for publication in January 2018, I’ve identified different kinds of lies used by pathological liars.
Grandiose Lies
from Slideshare.net
Overt narcissists in particular use the grandiose lie to create the illusion they’re better, more knowledgeable, more wealthy etc. than they really are. They would like to be superior to you and they brag (often) about their accomplishments. Their boastful lies can be easy to detect.
Grandiose lies cover up the painful truth the narcissist/sociopath is in denial of hiding: the shameful fear of being inferior. This disordered individual creates a false image of self and continues lying to protect his/her fabrication
Pitiful Lies
Often used by those who choose to play the ‘victim’ card, these lies are designed to elicit sympathy from you.
sob story lies
In this category of lies the individual may fabricate a whole host of wrongs inflicted on them by a succession of others including parents, siblings, partners. They use a manufactured sob story to attract empathic partners. More difficult to detect than the loud boastful lying of the overt narcissist, these sob stories are designed to make you feel sorry for their predicament. Before you realise what’s happening the covert narcissist has gained your trust and is manipulating you to his own ends.
Denial
heads in the sand
In a previous post I wrote about denial in more detail. As healthy individuals we know denial solves nothing. People with personality disorders have learned that denial works for them in the short term. Denying something they said or did serves to put you off your balance. You want to give the benefit of your doubt. You prefer them to be innocent of what you suspect. They know if they keep on denying you’re likely to give in.
However, what they are really attempting to fend off is their unwillingness to face the truth of their fears. Their continued denial can lead them into the next category of lies:-
Ridiculous Lies
unbelievable lies
These utterances from a cornered narcissist/sociopath are so ridiculous they are completely unbelievable. Even when you hold the proof right under their noses they persevere with their denial. I recently read about an instance where an outraged woman confronted her partner about him taking her mobile phone.
“No, I haven’t,” he said.
She said, “You’ve still got it in your hand.”
“No I haven’t,” he said, the phone clearly in his grasp.
You end up pulling a face as in the image above. It beggars belief that anybody could think they could get away with this kind of lie. When it happens you feel as though you’re looking at an adult who has regressed to childhood.
Lies follow lies. They heap one on top of another and after a stream of ridiculous lies as in the phone lie mentioned above, they’ll deny they lied about it. You”ll likely hear, “I never said that.”
Trying to understand what’s really going on is like banging your head against the proverbial brick wall. That’s why I chose a brick wall image for the cover of People Who Hurt publication January 2018.
People Who Hurt -abusers and codependants – looking for answers
These are a few examples of the kinds of lies used by pathological liars. All are destructive. Some are more dangerous than others.
People Who Hurtwill be free for five days at publication. Leave a comment here or join my People Who Hurt Facebook page for up to date news of when you can get your free copy.
People Who Hurt -abusers and codependants – looking for answers
Sign up for your free copy of People Who Hurt. Publication date is January 2018. To coincide with the launch I’m offering the ebook free of charge on Amazon on all country platforms. Don’t worry if you don’t have a Kindle. You can download the Kindle app free and read on your tablet, laptop or phone.
(P:S: I’m English so I spell codependant with an ‘a’ it being a noun in the sense I’m using it. Codependent with an ‘e’ is an adjective in British English but I understand this last spelling is interchangeable elsewhere.)
Who is the book for?
Grammar police aside, this book is to help people understand the nature of covert abuse. I do not profess to diagnose anybody. I’m not seeking to influence others’ actions. In sharing my story I hope to reach others to let them know they are not alone in their confusion when experts in the field of personality disorders cannot agree on where the boundary lines lie between the differing disorders.
I am not an expert. I have no qualifications in this field. What I am qualified to say is how certain behaviours made me feel. It turns out these behaviours are so commonplace across the spectrum of disorders they have names of their own. You may already be familiar with some of them: gaslighting, projection, triangulation, silent treatment to name but a few.
Part memoir
People Who Hurtis part memoir, part informational. Using my own experience and data gathered from two years’ research into the subject of hidden abuse this new book shows how insidious passive aggressive behaviours can be. Many victims of this kind of treatment don’t know it is abuse. The abuser follows a pattern of behaviour designed to undermine their partner’s self confidence in order to gain control in the relationship. I give examples of the kinds of behaviour that leave victims confused, doubting and wondering whether the faults all lie with themselves.
Silence is one of the abuser’s best allies. I’ve remained silent long enough. I want to do my bit to raise awareness so I’m owning my story and standing up to tell it.
You can find my People Who Hurt page on Facebook here and follow the page and/or you can subscribe here on my website for up to date news of publication and the free offer.
Please share the Facebook People Who Hurt page with your friends especially those you think may benefit. Thank you.
Your email remains private. Only I can see it here on my website and I will not share it elsewhere.
Edit: People Who Hurt is FREE on Friday January 26th.
The word narcissists gets thrown around willy-nilly. Some people think it describes individuals who are overly vain, boastful and acquisitive. The truth is we all possess some narcissistic traits.
healthy narcissism exists
Don’t we all enjoy doing well and receiving recognition for it? Isn’t it a good feeling to receive a sincere compliment? It doesn’t make us narcissists. Balanced, healthy people can accept a well-intentioned compliment. They can give one, too. We all look in the mirror from time to time. We take care of our personal hygiene and appearance. Sometimes we might feel a sense of pride at an accomplishment we’re pleased with.
healthy pride
But there is a line beyond which self-esteem becomes unhealthy self-interest. According to the narcissism key above, certain narcissistic traits move an individual out of the healthy category into unhealthy destructive narcissism. At the far end of the spectrum are the pathological behaviours of people with Narcissistic Personality Disorder and other Cluster B personality disorders.
A spectrum of disorder
The more narcissistic behaviours a person displays the further along the spectrum they may be classified.
But we’re not all experts. We haven’t specialised in the field nor spent years studying the subject. We’re not qualified to call someone a narcissist or a sociopath or even psychopath. He/she might just be incredibly selfish or thoughtless. How can we tell the difference between narcissistic traits which are only a part of someone’s personality and full-blown narcissism which is all of it.
Narcissists often hide
A person who is overtly narcissistic is easy to spot. They are openly boastful and vain. This kind of narcissist shouts his/her demands. They make grand entrances and make sure everybody knows who they are. Most likely they are the first thing people think about if asked to describe how narcissists behave.
But there are people who experts would classify as unhealthy narcissists whose behaviour doesn’t follow this pattern. Known as covert narcissists they at first seem charming and affable, friendly and helpful. They put on a fake front to win your trust. Rather like the wolf in Red Riding Hood (see earlier post), they pretend to be something they are not. The reason they do this is not for your benefit. It’s for theirs. You have something they want from you.
What narcissists want
They always want something from you. They’re not interested in you for your personal qualities. They are interested only in what those qualities will bring to them.
It might be money or a place to stay. Maybe it’s your standing in society or your social circle. They could be looking for someone to take over raising their children or simply a body to impregnate to keep you bound to them. Bound by their own need for validation they look to you for proof they are as special as they want to believe they are. You might say they are as vulnerable as the people they target.
vulnerable narcissist
How did narcissists get that way?
According to experts on the subject of narcissism their unhealthy behaviours are as a result of childhood trauma. Neglect, abandonment, insecure attachment to parent(s) all figure highly in academic studies of this personality disorder. The child looks for ways to prove his/her worthiness. They try to be the perfect child for the parent who is ignoring or abusing them.
narcissistic perfectionism
Holding to this pattern the child grows into adulthood still believing he/she can control judgement of him by appearing to be perfect.
This is why they seem so charming at first. They’ve learned how to do that to keep you interested in them.
When their behaviour becomes abuse
One of the problems is narcissists can’t keep up the false image they’ve created. The childhood patterns don’t work when you’re an adult. In close relationships there are always disagreements. The narcissist takes it as an affront when you don’t agree with him/her. Their image is in danger. They will do everything they can to protect their image of themselves and go all out to prove you are the one who is wrong.
Their methods of protecting themselves from exposing the vulnerable child inside involve crushing their opponent. That’s how they see you for questioning their right to be right. They can turn every conversation into a competition which they must win.
By having needs and preferences of your own you have tantamount to offended them. If you can’t continue your one hundred per cent support of the narcissist’s need for validation they believe they have the right to seek it elsewhere.
Recognising abuse
People with empathy care about others’ feelings. They choose not to deliberately hurt others. Narcissists care only about protecting their self image. While we may sympathise with them, that is not to say we must allow them to make us suffer too by the way they seek control of everything.
Even though we’re not qualified to put an exact name to their behaviour, we are qualified to say how their behaviour makes us feel. Having to be careful about what you say for fear of offending, closing down your own personality to make yourself smaller is abuse. If you have to account for every penny you spend on the home and family, providing a spreadsheet with receipts for proof, for example, you are being abused. If you are constantly being criticised, belittled, embarrassed, it is abuse.
Have I been living out a fairy tale all these years? It’s possible. There’s more to these old stories than you might imagine. You think you’re just reading an innocent, traditional tale to your youngsters? Think again. You might be inadvertently setting them on their life’s path.
The fairy tale that made me angry
I wasn’t interested in the princess in the tower, or the downtrodden kitchen girl who went to the ball.
wannabee princessso pretty
I wasn’t motivated by the one with seven little people or three bears or three pigs or magic porridge pots.
someday my prince will come?
watch out!
Not for me the fairy tale about a brother and a sister and a nasty witch in the woods, or the one about the sky falling down, or a gingerbread man, a girl only as big as your thumb or magic shoes or spinning straw into gold.
I had no hankering to be a princess. Wasn’t interested in hanging around for some prince to turn up and save me from a life of . . .whatever. Come on, I was a working class girl who had about as much chance of meeting a prince as a Yorkshire heatwave in January. (Yorkshire girls tell it like it is. January girls know it before it happens. I’m both.)
So, the fairy tale that made me angry was Red Riding Hood.
A lesson in life kind of fairy tale
I mean, what a dirty trick! There she is, with her little basket of goodies for grandma setting off on her own through the wood. This is a good lesson in life, I suppose. After all, when it comes down to it we’re all on our own following our paths. The journey can be a bit dark and scary in places.
There doesn’t seem to be a father present in this story. It’s just the girl and her mother and mother obviously sees nothing wrong in sending the child off to grandma’s house. I can’t remember whether there’s a warning about not going into the woods, but, anyway, little Red Riding Hood is a good girl. She’s doing grandma a good turn by bringing the things in the basket. What a caring little soul she is.
A wolf in sheep’s clothing
Well, actually in this fairy tale, it’s grandma’s clothing. Now, see, this is a great lesson in life. And don’t I know it. This stuff really happens. The person you are doing your best to help isn’t the person you thought they were.
You get that?
The person you are doing your best to help is a FAKE.
Pretending to be sweet and charming. FAKE. Pretending to be needy and helpless. FAKE. Pretending to be harmless. FAKE.
Pretending to be human.
The wolf has only one thing on his mind and doesn’t care what happens to anybody else in the story. So what is little Red Hiding Hood going to do? She’s in danger. She notices that things are not quite right about grandma and tries to find out. She asks questions. The wolf deflects the child’s doubts by a stream of psychopathic word salad, all the while drawing the victim closer and closer, until . .
The Woodcutter
shows up. OH NO!
to the rescue
Not a prince this time. But still, a reliable, strong male figure.
And now I’m really angry. I wanted Little Red Hiding Hood to outwit the wolf herself. Couldn’t she have choked it with the ribbons on grandma’s bonnet? Couldn’t she have smothered it with grandma’s pillow?
No. Because she is a good girl and good girls don’t do things like that. Anyway, she’s a small female and wouldn’t be strong enough. And the wolf knows this. He knows he has an easy target. Little Red Hiding Hood has to be rescued.
safe at last
Applying the fairy tale to real life
Fake people exist. There are more of them than you know. Empathetic people care about other’s feelings. Fakes don’t. I believe we need these lessons in life but where do we teach them? Unless you’ve come across one of these people yourself how would you know how to recognise one? Should we have to wait until it happens before we learn what to do about it?
The sad truth is there isn’t a woodcutter out there waiting to rescue you. You have to be your own saviour.
be your own woodcutter
Hand me my axe!
(This post is in response to the WordPress daily challenge)
Which fairy tale is your life story? Don’t be shy. Leave a comment.
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Everybody knows the phrase ‘the other woman’. Those three words immediately conjure up an image in our minds. The other woman is somebody to make you jealous, isn’t she? She’s stealing your man. When you first heard about her your insides sank. Your mouth dried. Your whole body went into shock.
how is he treating both of you?
This has to be one of the worst moments in your life. You might dissolve in tears or maybe tempted to beg. Your insides are screaming at you to get this sorted to make it go away and your head is in such a muddle you can’t remember what you’ve said.
And then you get to thinking. She must be beautiful. Surely she must be everything he wants or he wouldn’t want to be with her. You wonder how long this has been going on? Has he been lying to you for weeks, months or years? Is he also lying to her?
A pattern of psychopathy
You see a pattern in his behaviour. He has changed overnight from a seemingly caring partner to a callous, heartless creature who is enjoying inflicting this pain on you. You do some research. You discover there are people who have no conscience, no sense of what it feels like to be on the receiving end of their cruelty. They feel no remorse. No empathy. Simply speaking, their brains are not wired for emotions.
no connections for emotions
The front part of a psychopathic brain shows a lack of response in the area which deals with emotions. People with this brain structure cannot feel the things we feel. Much research into this field has concentrated on the violent criminal type of psychopath. But what about the ‘ordinary’ men and women who have this same brain structure? How will their psychopathy affect the people with whom they have relationships? Have children?
In a Huffington Post article from April 2013 there is more information about this surprising phenomenon.
Can this knowledge help you?
So now you have your suspicions. You always felt that something wasn’t quite right but could never put your finger on what it was. Now that you are beginning to understand, how is this knowledge going to help you in your frightening situation?
He has another woman. You know he is planning to discard you and be with her. The other woman is now a fact. You realise that if he has psychopathic traits he is most definitely lying to both of you. It’s pathological with them. It’s who they are and what they do. They manipulate, manipulate, manipulate with lies and deceit until they get what they want.
At times you find a measure of comfort in common sense. You know, maybe from past experience, what the patterns are for somebody who is a cheater. The other woman will surely, at some point, find herself in the same situation as the one you’re facing now.
You feel angry
Anger kicks in. You feel you want to strike back. He has manipulated you for years, taking what he wants, doing only what he wants, using you until he became bored with you and looked for your replacement. You try to cope with your loss. You wonder if you were more like him you wouldn’t be in so much pain. You could be cold like him. You could be heartless like him. If you were more like him you could give as good as you got.
would it help to think like this?
It doesn’t help. You are not like him. You have deeply felt emotions. You cannot switch from one to another like turning off a tap. Human beings with empathy have real, physical responses to their emotions. Their stomachs react. Their muscles react. Their chemistry reacts. People with empathy can describe these reactions. They know how it FEELS. Psychopaths/Sociopaths/Narcissists don’t. They cannot describe what they’ve never experienced.
The other woman’s feelings
So how is the other woman feeling? She must be feeling how you felt in the beginning. She is in the glow of that wonderful ecstasy of being in love. Enamoured of him. She can’t believe how so right he is for her. Like you did, she is becoming hooked on her own bodily chemical reactions. Addicted to love. She had better beware.
at some point her doubts will begin
In the light of what you’ve learned about psychopathy you may begin to feel sorry for the other woman. She has yet to find out that she’s been chosen only because of what he can get out of her. When her usefulness has been exhausted she will be devalued and discarded in a similar manner to the one you are going through now. You torture yourself with thoughts that maybe they make a better match. Maybe it really is love this time for him.
He cannot love
No it isn’t. Not in the way you think of love. He’s happy he’s getting what he wants. That’s it. That’s all there is. And then he will be bored again. He might even be casting his net already.
I did feel sorry for the other woman. For a short time. I know her. I’ve been to her house. Remember, in an earlier post I explained how I guessed right first time who she was.
She isn’t beautiful. She is novel. And bearing in mind how my ex used to complain about the standards of my housekeeping she is a surprising choice. I need say no more. She was lonely. Vulnerable. An easy target.
the facts speak for themselves
So was I. He came into my life promising all the things I longed for. Now he’s doing it to her. She can’t believe her luck in finding such a terrific guy who actually loves her!
Poor thing.
Hang on. Wait a minute. There’s something else to take into consideration here.
Warnings
People have warned me about writing my story. Friends have suggested I need to be careful how much information I make public. It could ricochet, they say. It could cause me further harm somewhere down the line. He might be able to use it against me. Etc.
I will not be silenced. Keeping quiet about it is how abusers get away with their actions. I intend to keep on writing about my experiences in the hope that others may find comfort. When you feel like a victim you also feel alone. You need the support of others who understand to help you feel like a survivor instead.
There is an excellent website with tons of support round the clock from members who know exactly what you are going through. It’s called psychopath free and it’s a global community. There will always be somebody at the other end to listen to your problems. (Edit: this website is now closed to new members but articles are still available to read)
There are more websites and blogs on the subject and I am taking my place amongst them. If people want to unfriend me on social media they must do whatever is right for them. Writing is right for ME.
A change of heart
Here is my change of heart about the other woman in my story. Do I feel sorry for her now? Not any more. I’ve had plenty of time to think.
She KNEW I was ill last year. (Edit: 2014) She KNEW I could hardly walk when she invited me to her house. She WATCHED me struggle with the pain of my CRPS. She SAW how I needed an arm to help me negotiate steep steps.
What kind of a woman makes herself available to a man whose long-term partner is so unwell?
Lonely and desperate are no excuse.
Her behaviour is as unforgivable as his regardless of how many lies he told her. They deserve one another.
And I WILL keep on writing about it.
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(Edited. Removed from public view in May 2015. Restored November 2017)
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(Edited) I removed this post from public view in May 2015. Now I’m in the right place to re-release it)
I have a creativity block. I’ve posted on creativity before. In the early stages of my CRPS I was in so much pain I had no energy to write fiction. Constant pain and exhaustion, not to mention medication-induced nausea, put paid to creating new short stories or plot ideas for novels. I know about physical pain. At the time I wrote that post I didn’t know a lot about the other kind of pain.
saps your creativity
It’s been nearly two months since the cruel discard. In that time I’m learning to cope with losing my relationship, my home, my life in my adopted country and all the friends I made there. I miss my home and my friends. I want to have my own furniture around me. (I’m still staying with friends in their home) I long for the warmth of the climate in southern France. Cool breezes in the east of England don’t help the pain of CRPS. I miss distant mountains and blue skies, Languedoc vineyards and villages. I miss writing my Wednesday Vine Report here on my website. I miss choir rehearsals on Monday afternoons with wine and gossip at the bar in Capestang afterwards.
But I don’t miss him.
His verbal cruelty killed that. His cruelly callous treatment of me has ensured I never want to set eyes on him again. I don’t miss his face. I don’t miss his voice. Both were impostors. Both were lies.
I still yearn for the way I thought it used to be even though I now know it was all a pretence on his part. I still grieve for the lost dream.
But I don’t long for him.
My personal creativity block
I long for ME. The person I used to be. The one who was excited about her writing. The one who was full of ideas and couldn’t wait to get them down.
But my brain is crammed full of unpleasantness.
what if it’s broken?
My heart isn’t in the right place. I want rid of the nastiness so I can concentrate on healing. I think it’s going to take a long time to break the creativity block. I’m going to have to get it out of my system before I’m free. Whenever I try to free my thinking from this frustrating situation, I’m disappointed. Free thinking doesn’t last long. I keep coming back to the same old, same old that’s troubling me. It’s like banging my head against a brick wall.
if I bang my head on it enough will I break through?
Creativity needs space. Space in your mind. And in your heart. Space in your intelligence. The right side of my brain where creativity comes from is all tied up with thoughts of what am I going to do? Where am I going to live? How am I going to be able to manage on my own? Do I stay in England or go back to France? What if he continues being awkward and refuses to pay me for my half of the house in France we furnished together?
my brain is overloaded
There’s no room left for creativity. Right now all I can write about is pure non-fiction: the stranger than fiction facts that have brought me to this place in my life. Until I’ve dealt with it and feel confident I can settle into a new life I’m stuck in this dark place. Fictionless. I can’t even read any.
On the website Insights on making ideas happen by Mark McGuinness there’s a list of things to help overcome creativity block. I’m concentrating on number four.
4. Personal problems.
Creativity demands focus — and it’s hard to concentrate if you’re getting divorced/ dealing with toddlers/battling an addiction/falling out with your best friend/grieving someone special/moving house/locked in a dispute with a neighbor. If you’re lucky, you’ll only have to deal with this kind of thing one at a time — but troubles often come in twos or threes.
Solution: There are basically two ways to approach a personal problem that is interfering with your creative work — either solve the problem or find ways of coping until it passes.
For the first option you may need some specialist help, or support from friends or family. And it may be worth taking a short-term break from work in order to resolve the issue and free yourself up for the future.
In both cases, it helps if you can treat your work as a refuge — an oasis of control and creative satisfaction in the midst of the bad stuff. Use your creative rituals to set your problems aside and focus for an hour, or a few, each day. When your work is done, you may even find you see your personal situation with a fresh eye.
I can’t comply with Mark’s first suggestion. I’m unable to solve the problem. As I write, I continue to depend on the goodwill of friends to put their roof over my head. Himself simply does not care about the situation he has deliberately caused.
And so I’m going to keep on writing about it. Maybe this will help break through the creativity block.
writing as catharsis
I’ve already made a tentative start to a new non-fiction book. FOLLOW CELIA to see how I progress.
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Edited: Password protected since May 2015. Password removed October 2017
Creativity restored and third novel: The Sandman and Mrs Carter published on Amazon.
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