Category Archives: Blogging

Social networking. Everywhere and nowhere baby?

social networking by Jeff Beck
everywhere and nowhere baby?

 

In the days before Social Networking, this is how we used to listen to music. It was another life. We behaved like a different species from kids today. We invited friends round to listen to music. Generally, kids walked to one another’s houses in those days. We actually got out there on our own two feet and put bodily effort into social networking.

You might get a bag of chips from the corner shop and Mrs Wilkinson might offer you some bread and butter to make a chip buttie. Yes, really. It’s not SO long since. That’s what social networking amounted to when I was growing up.

Who could have foreseen the changes that have come about in less than half the time it takes to turn into a grandma? Now kids are in contact with each other all the time, without ever having to touch each other.

Lyrics to Hi Ho Silver Lining :
You’re everywhere and nowhere, baby
That’s where you’re at
Going down a bumpy hillside
In your hippy hat

Flying across the country
And getting fat
Saying everything is groovy
When your tyres are flat . . . .

Yep, Jeff Beck. That about sums it up. You have to be everywhere today. Kids have to be connected by all and every electronic means. There’s a new word apparently in the dictionary: nomophobia. It means fear of not being connected, not having a mobile phone.

You have to have presence. And it’s not just the kids. You have to be on this network and that one, not forgetting the ones over there. You must post regularly so people will become aware of you and you must always have interesting things to say, until you are a celebrity and then it doesn’t much matter what you say as people will hang on to every word of it anyway.

Darlings, you can spend all your time keeping up with all this social networking malarkey and NEVER do any bloody writing.

Isn’t a silver lining supposed to be a good thing?

Celia Letting off steam

You have to let go of your bad feelings. When you get all steamed up, you have to vent. If you let your characters vent steam so they don’t read like little Goody-Two-Shoes, why don’t you allow yourself the same outlet?

Here goes: to whom it may concern.

Your husband is buying you a new car, is he? That’s nice. Going skiing, are you? That’s nice. Having a new kitchen fitted while you’re away, are you? That’s nice.You’ll be eating out at a restaurant where it’s only 55 euro a head, every night? That’s nice.

fill your boots
fill your boots

Ahhhhh, that is SO much better!

Spam, Spam, Spam and Spear Phishing

spamThis is what I remember. This is what you kept in the larder for emergency suppers. My mother did anyway. Ghastly, bright pink stuff you could eat straight from the tin or fry it and pretend it was something else.

Then, Python got hold of it and made it a sketch and a song and then a musical show.

pythonspam

 

Now, Spam is the stuff that arrives on your dashboard every day.

Experts say it generates a response rate of just 0.00001 per cent – but is still hugely profitable. Spammers used to take hefty commissions from sales with huge margins–generic or fake pharmaceuticals, pirated software, etc.

Web-based spam, using shady SEO methods and browser-hijacking trojans, offers an attractive alternative to new or small partners. For one, it takes almost no investment. Web hosting is extremely cheap, the e-commerce systems used in affiliate programs are free and easy to copy to a new site, and fewer measures need to be taken to avoid prosecution under anti-spam laws, which were written first and foremost to combat email spam.

So, Spam is here to stay as long as somebody is making money from it. However, the patterns of Spam seem to be changing. Whereas once it was blanket-bombing, the future indicates more targeted spamming. According to Anthony M. Freed of Security Bistro, Spam levels are down, but targeted attacks are up. Here’s what he says at http://www.securitybistro.com

Posted on January 15, 2013 by Anthony M. Freed

Less spam in your inbox: Good news. More spam geared towards targeted attacks: Not so good… In the wake of multiple large-scale botnet take-downs in 2011 and 2012, the over all volume of general spam traffic decreased significantly (53%), but targeted attacks via email are on the uptick according to researchers from German e-mail security provider Eleven. The percentage of spam messages that contained malicious agents such as malware-laden attachments, links to websites that facilitate drive-by attacks, and targeted phishing operations all showed a measurable increase over previous years, and the trend towards more focused attacks is expected to continue through 2013.’

Blimey. I’ve been targeted. Is that why they’re offering me hand-held magnifiers and gadgets for checking my blood pressure. Is there actually a spy-bot out there spear-phishing for grandmas?

nospamPiss off!

H tags and Latent Semantic Indexing

Htags
cutesy H tags

Oh, P.L.E.A.S.E. Optimizing H tags? WTF?

Leave me alone. Who are these people hitting on my baby and telling me nobody will hear its cries for attention? Why are they leaving messages every day? Why have they got names like Dick Schone, Jimmie Limber, Bradly Stanphill and Dean Heldman but their comments are all identical? I mean, absolutely IDENTICAL. They’re not real people obviously. Real people don’t use EXACTLY the same words. They must be H tags. Real people don’t send tricksy little messages to get you to click on this or open that. They are the cold-callers of the internet and they either want to sell you something or bite you on the bum. I bet they have black eyes. You know, like the black-eyed children wind-up a while ago.

Midwich cuckoos
Midwich cuckoo children actually had golden eyes.

Somebody thought they were being clever using this photo as evidence of children having all black eyes. But, it’s a shot from a film based on John Wyndham’s novel The Midwich Cuckoos. See, I’m old enough to remember. I actually read that book.

Go teach your grandma to you-know-what. Leave this grandma alone. Stop bothering her with your offers of super-dooper sunglasses. What makes you think I’m interested in your hand-held magnifier? Gettoutamypub. I repeat. Leave me alone.

lsi
lsi building blocks

I’m learning at my own pace, thank you very much. I’m building my knowledge, but I don’t yet know how it all fits together. As with any kind of building, it seems to me you’ve got to have a solid foundation. I’m still at the foundation level.

HTML, Codex, Gobbledygook and English

Just when I thought I was doing okay. Just when I was happier about my smart, new website and feeling a certain amount of warmth toward WordPress, along comes unsolicited advice about SEO.

searchengines
searching the search engines

 

I know what it is. Now. I didn’t, oh, way back there in January when I began this blogging thing. Now I know what the letters stand for; I just haven’t got around to learning much about it yet. So, when comments arrive on my dashboard, I get that familiar sinking feeling telling me I’m still not doing this blogging lark properly. I have to get optimized. I have to learn about creepy-crawly spider things out there in the virtual web, just yearning to get their little pincers into my juicy, young website.

spidersearch
poor little spiderbot hard at work

In fact, this website is the only thing about me that’s juicy and fresh. Apart from my writing of course.

Xin Nian Kuai Le

Or Gong Hei Fard Choy. The house is almost thoroughly cleaned. It’s going to be a busy day today. The kitchen gods will be appeased, I hope, by my efforts with the sizzling beef and ginger. I’ve put my red top ready to wear tomorrow so the monster doesn’t come down from the mountain to eat me. There will be no mention of that number, the one that comes after three and before five and we will not talk about negative things nor buy new shoes. Tomorrow we will eat without knives and using scissors will be banned.

ChineseRat
sign of the Rat

I’m a Rat. An Earth Rat, to be exact.

In western astrology I’m a sea goat – the true meaning of Capricorn, Oh, 2013, bring on the Good Luck!

Capricorn
Capricorn – the sea goat

 

And now I’ve sorted out the link thing

Here’s the proof. I’m actually going to place a link within this post, I might be green and cabbage-looking on a bad day, but I consider this new knowledge no less than a triumph.
I’m picking up on the subject matter of Holly Lisle’s tip of the week at http://hollylisle.com

ideas tap
Can you simply turn on ideas?

Today she’s answering a query about ideas and it got me thinking about my own ideas and where they come from. I have a page on here dedicated to Inspirations. Take a look while you’re here – drop me a line if you like.

So, can you turn on ideas like a tap? Or fawcett, depending on where you are. I can’t. I have no control over them. I could sit in a specially designated ideas room with an extra comfy ideas chair, drinking a specially brewed cup of ideas tea and nothing would happen. I know for a certainty that nothing would happen. I’d be wasting my time. You can’t force ideas. Well, I suppose some people can, but I’m not talking about them. I’m talking about what works best for me. Letting it happen is what works for me. Not trying to force it. Not beating myself up if it doesn’t happen.

Here’s an example of what I mean. Sometimes, it’s a visual motivation: a mountain, a lake, a celebration. Sometimes an idea comes from something I’ve heard someone say. I’ll be right there, in the middle of a conversation and . . . bang . . . I have a new title to work with or a situation ready-primed with emotional conflicts.

On a coffee break with friends, the subject of planning meals came up. It was one of those light bulb moments to use a cliché that are supposed to be forbidden. The idea stuck with me and another short story came into being. I wrote it in a matter of hours, sent it off and the editor liked it – except for the ending. A quick revision solved the problem.

A chance remark became this short story
A chance remark became this short story

Waiting for submissions feedback

waitingroom
an old British Rail waiting room

Waiting. Waiting. Drumming your fingers on the desk. Making another hot drink. Not being able to settle. Can’t read. Not even a newspaper.

I hate waiting. So, I don’t. I write instead. Actually, I blog and network and do some writing. Maybe a bit of editing, too. I go outside with a coffee and do A LOT of staring into space. Walking helps with the waiting thing as well. We have plenty of places to walk – mostly through the vineyards surrounding the village. I take my camera and see what’s new for the upcoming Wednesday Vine Report. The whites have begun sprouting leaves already.

vineyards
vineyards below the village near the river

So, my time is filled productively without too much waiting. And a very strange thing happens while I’m out walking along the lanes. Ideas arrive! They pop up from behind a bush or they streak across the sky with Ryanair on its way to Beziers airport. My feet crunch through gravel and here’s a tale of lost luggage and a mix-up at the car hire desk where a kind person offers the lost luggage person a lift home. Hmmm. Romantic interlude or Samaritan from Hell? I think that’s already been done. Left, right, swishing through the grass and here comes another idea. Fast on its heels there’s an answer to that question I had about a character in a short story. I meet a couple walking their dog and now I know exactly what my elderly male character ought to wear on his head. I climb towards home. There’s a young man sitting on a bench by the side of the road. He has his mobile phone to his ear. Hang on a minute, goes the old grey matter, that there is an old folks’ bench. What is a young man like him doing sitting on an old folks’ bench using his mobile phone?

And before you know it, another short story is bubbling like Evian, featuring the very handsome young man, a distraught, wronged lover and a victorious wife biding her time for the killing. I dash indoors for my notebook. Then, I come back to my garden for some more staring into space.

DCF compatable JPEG Img
Flowers and fruit at the same time

Outside on my baby lime tree there are mature fruits and fruits barely formed and flowers waiting for the bees. A bit like my writing really.

I have three completed novels. Let me rephrase that. I have one novel under consideration at the moment and I consider that one finished after two rewrites. The other two novels need complete, hefty editing. They’re all different genres. One’s a family saga and at 140,000 words needs the heftiest axe. Another’s a psychological drama and needs a restructure. The third’s a book club read and at 86,000 words is close to optimum. I think. I’m waiting to find out. I’m also waiting for feedback on two short stories submitted to Woman’s Weekly. And the serial. So, that’s four pieces of work I’m waiting to hear about.

Then there are the flowers waiting for the bees. Two half-written novels, umpteen short stories and a file called Ideas which keeps growing longer every time I go out for a walk and see handsome young men on their mobiles in the wrong place.

By the time my limes fizz at the top of a clinky drink of Gin and Tonic, I’m really going to need it. Make it a big one. Easy on the tonic!

OMG – here it is!

See, I don’t understand the language. Did I mention that before? I thought I had to put the widget thingy in the widget area for the static front page option as my site doesn’t open with the blog page. So, I fiddled. I got hold of my trusty mouse and dragged the little bugger into the sidebar. Nowhere, in all the FAQs in the world did it point that out in simple terms people like me could understand. Yeah, yeah, I know there are WordPress for idiots books out there. But that involves READING and, as I already said, my eyes are shot, bloodshot. I can’t actually see what I’m writing here.

And now, tah-dah, we have the Celia’s tag cloud.

Tomorrow, I’ll have another go at linking to other sites -if I can see – if my head hasn’t imploded.

Wishing on a Tag Cloud

I said I was green at all this stuff. I told you I didn’t have a clue. So far, the learning curve has been vertical. My knees are grazed; my fingers keyboarded to the bone. Don’t even ask about my eyes. Alright then, okay, my eyes hurt. They’re so tired they feel as if they’re all dried out.

I can’t read any more Help forums ( should that be fora? forii?) See what’s happening. My brain’s giving out. Cache memory full and spilling its grey matter. I CAN’T HOLD ANY MORE INFORMATION. I only wanted to drag and drop and click once every so often. I didn’t want to have to read the equivalent of the Encyclopaedia Britannica.

And now, my Tag Cloud isn’t showing itself. Maybe the Tramontane blew it out to sea. Maybe it’s raining all my nice tag words in a village in Provence. Look, everybody it’s showering WRITING in Nimes and SHORT STORIES in St Tropez. So here’s an image of a tag cloud, just so we all know what I’m talking about. If you see mine hanging over the coast somewhere, drop me a line.

tag cloud
somebody else’s tag cloud

 

But, there is an upside. All this thinking and reading about tag clouds has seeped into the subconscious mind and presented me with another idea for a short story. C’est la vie.